The beginning

Well here I go, stepping into the world of blogging. There is a purpose to this, there should be a purpose to this, right? Well this is specifically for the photography side of my life. That sounds weird, "the photography side". I guess it is a real side of me though!

I've decided to start blogging my crazy journey through motherhood, wife-hood and now college! It's going to be hard balancing everything but I feel like I can do it. Heck, I have to! If I want to get where I want to be in the next few years I'm going to have to work hard. I'm not ready to share those thought publicly just yet, I have to start school and see if this shoe truly fits before I get ahead of myself.

So, what prompted me to head this direction? I have been searching for something I can do that I really love. I've always been passionate about arts and crafts. For the longest time I always thought I would end up teaching elementary school art class. I even ventured to think about art therapy. I love people, I love art, I love helping people so that seemed an obvious fit for me but something just didn't feel right with it. Over the past couple years I've worked office jobs and that is all find and dandy but again not just "me". When we started our family we decided it would be best for me to stay home, and it's been wonderful! I have enjoyed watching my two kiddos grow and cherish each and every momentous step they have taken. I am so blessed that I was able to witness first hand their firsts for everything! This last step brought me to document every one of these moments with pictures. I wanted our families and friends to share in the brilliance that life has brought us. I have photo documented every day (literally) of the kids. Even while taking thousands of pictures over the past 4 years I still didn't see the big picture!

I started looking for career options over the past several months - nursing, psychology, therapist, teacher. Nothing sounded good (kind of like when you're 6 months pregnant and hungry but you're not sure what you want, everything your husband mentions doesn't sound good). Well that went on for a while. I have always been interested in how people got those great shots and one night started talking with a friend who was into photography. She is amazing! She knew so much! She talked ab out wonderful words I'd never knew before (seriously, I got off the phone and started looking words up - I don't do that very often!). The more I read the more interested I became... we talked some more and this time I felt like I kind of participated in the conversation instead of just listening in awe. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her something she doesn't know! Something clicked along the way. The bigger picture presented itself to me, do something you're interested in, not something that interests you. Pictures, memories, photography - it's perfect!!

I did a lot of soul searching about this. Is there a facility that can teach me more? Yes. Do I have the ability to do this? I don't know. Do I have the support to start this? Yes. I figured a strong 2/3 worked for me! I researched schools, day care (yes, I am putting the kids in a pre-school/day care setting, something I never thought I would do) and finances. Armed I sat down with the man, J. I laid everything on the table. As I sat back and watched he surprised me, he said "do it". Plain and simple, "DO. IT." Wow. I fell in love all over again! I have never felt more support and full of possibilities as I did that night. The next morning I enrolled and started the process.

J purchased my first DSLR for me, my new "baby". A canon rebel XTi. It's basic but that's all I need to start. There is so much to learn and I want to master it all! I'm doing it, I'm going the distance. I may not be going the speed but I know I'm not all alone! Does anyone else hear CAKE's The Distance? There is one thing holding me back. With as supportive as J is I'm scared to death that the kids might suffer. I don't want to look back and have any regrets leaving the kids.

BJ is almost 2 years and BC is 3 and a half. I've been home with them 99.9% of their lives. The only time BC has been away from me is when I was in the hospital having BJ and two days she stayed with Nana and Papa. BJ has never spent a night away from me and it shows! We have been going to the school and introducing the kids to their teachers. BC loves playing with everyone and is having no issues, she's ready for this step. BJ is good while he can see me. Several times I stepped away to just see what happens and it's not pretty. My heart breaks into a million pieces as his eyes fill with tears, he glances once more around before opening his mouth into a square and yelling "Mooooooommmmmmaaaa"! Reluctantly I hold myself back from running in and scooping him into my arms and holding him so tight. Separately, we stand there with our hearts breaking. I've watched from afar for minutes until I can't take it anymore then go in for the rescue! Our first day is going to hurt so bad. With this all said I know it's good for him to get out there, he's going to be in a safe environment and well taken care of. Hopefully we won't have too many sessions later in life where I'm blamed for everything that goes wrong in his life which starts with this upcoming moment (insert a Brooklyn therapist saying "It's all your mother's fault")!

Well, this is my first blog which has turned into quite the mini novel. I must go and do my household duties!

-Yvonne